Personal Growth From the Bottom Up – BroderickDurisseau.com
A Blog Dedicated to Personal Growth, Success and Goal Achievement

I used to think that one day, when I got a certain amount of money, fame, and power that I’d be satisfied. I’d be OK. I thought that I’d graduate from college, get a good job for about 5 or 6 years, start my own business, make lots of money and be happy.   Whatever sacrifices I made along the way didn’t matter.  I didn’t care about joy or peace now.  I didn’t care that I wasn’t enjoying life now because money would take care of all that when I acquired a lot of it.

According to The Power of Now I wasn’t alone in that way of thinking. Eckhart Tolle says that

Most people pursue physical pleasures or various forms of psychological gratification because they believe that those things will make them happy or free them from a feeling of fear or lack

Later in the book he tears down that way of thinking by saying

Nothing out there will ever satisfy you except temporarily and superficially, but you may need to experience many disillusionments before you realize the truth.

That hit me pretty hard, but I knew it was true. Nothing I’ve ever accomplished or possessed has kept me or anyone else happy.  Happiness comes along, then that feeling wears off.  That realization forced me to re-evaluate my thoughts about reality.  What would be the purpose of striving towards this imaginary point where I have lots of money, fame and power if the feeling is just going to wear off anyway?  What is that feeling that I don’t want to wear off?  What do I really want?  The answer was joy and happiness.  The problem before was that I thought money, fame and power were prerequisites to joy and happiness, but this wasn’t accurate.  The Power of Now made me aware that the only way I could experience true joy was Now. Now is all that exists.  The future and the past exist in the mind, but in reality all there is is the present moment.  Thanks to this book, I view life as a journey that should be enjoyed now.  Instead of working hard, sacrificing and suffering now for a better future tomorrow, I’m shifting my life to satisfy different requirements.  I’m in the process of creating a life where I’m enjoying what I do now, receiving an income, having a positive impact on those around me while being free from the burden of a job.  This lifestyle takes a little more thought, calls on creativity, and requires me to overcome fear, but to get there it seems to require less effort, time, and stress.  The reason I say it takes less effort is because the effort doesn’t feel like effort or “work”.  Just by me starting this website, reading and growing I’ve already satisfied the “enjoying what I do now” and “having a positive impact on those around me”  requirements.  People have been asking me things like “How do I get organized?” “How can I start my own website?” “How can I start my own business?”.  Even if they don’t ask me questions, they appear to become motivated to take action just by hearing and seeing me take action.  This is so much more rewarding than the old way of life I was working towards. I’m enjoying the ride, and overall the experience has been fun because there’s so much optimism, excitement, and happiness in the present moment.   Creating the life I want for myself is a like a fun challenge. It’s a problem for me to solve.

The Power of Now‘s subtitle is “A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment”.  Before I read this book, I wasn’t a spiritual guy at all. When someone started talking about God and spirit, it would be hard for me to relate to them because I would never fully understand how I could get in touch with my spirit or God.  Reading this raised my awareness and allowed me to examine some inconsistencies with what I had been taught about God in various baptist churches. This book definitely addressed some of the reasons why the whole concept of God seemed so fuzzy to me.

Reading and utilizing this book has been a tremendous growth experience in itself.  Understanding and appreciating the present moment is invaluable.

After the first semester of straight A’s, my grades slowly declined every semester after that until I was making straight F’s in college.

Though making straight F’s wasn’t a goal I set out to accomplish, I gained more from making straight F’s than straight A’s.  That might sound weird, but I’ll go into more detail towards the end.  For now, lets talk about how to accomplish this spectacular goal.

Shouldn’t be too hard right?  Maybe you’ve had some experience with this already? I don’t want to keep you hanging any longer because I know you’re on fire to hear how to make this happen, so here it is.

Don’t Listen to Yourself

Just go in.  Don’t think about what your ultimate goal is or what you want or where you want to go.  Let everyone else tell you what you should do.  Take anyone’s free advice no matter who they are, and let it pull you in many different directions.  Don’t listen to yourself because you’re probably wrong, and whatever you want out of the college experience doesn’t matter.  Push your wants, desires, dreams and visions to the side and listen to people who’ve lived longer than you tell you they’re unrealistic.  Be fearful of people saying “I told you so” if you fail at accomplishing what you want.  Whatever you do, DO NOT listen to someone who’s already been where you want to go.  You might actually take advice from that person and use it, and we can’t have that if we’re trying to make straight F’s here.

Don’t Pick Classes Until You Have To

Does it matter what classes you make F’s in?  You’re not going to get credit for them anyway.  Just take some classes you think might be related to your major/minor.

Don’t Be Prepared

You don’t need the book until later in the class right? right.  Housing? Transportation? Schedule?  You’ll figure that stuff out later.  The first day of class?  Nothing happens on the first day anyway.  Just hope that it will all work out and everything will fall into place exactly how you want it.  Don’t think about it.

Feel Bad

This was the most important factor in my success in making straight F’s.  Get wasted.  Party all the time.  Play video games a lot.  These are all good ways to get away from your problems and ignore reality.  You need to ignore anything you think you should be doing.

You don’t know what you want to major in? You’re questioning if this is the right road for you to go down?  Should you exit the highway now and try an alternate route?  or should you stay the course?  Well, it really doesn’t matter because you don’t know where you’re going anyway if you followed the first step in this article.  The great part about this whole situation is that you’re already where you want to be.  Confusion!  Keep wondering and stay confused.  The last thing you want to do is stop and ask for directions.  Don’t try to clear up that confusion with counselors or advisers or anything else you’re paying for with tuition.  No mentors.  You must stay confused.  You could, however, ignore your confusion and try to work around it.  Yeah.  That usually will lead to frustration, and frustration without clarity = More F’s baby! F for fantastic.

Feel depressed and indifferent.  Constantly think about the negative stuff in your life like loneliness, bad grades, lack of money etc. Let all that stuff bring you down.

If you’ve been following directions you should have some built up confusion, fear, frustration, and depression.  If you are experiencing those, great! You’re on the the F path.  Let those emotions soak in and get comfortable.

Don’t Go To Class, Don’t Study, Procrastinate

If you’ve been following the steps mentioned in the previous paragraphs, this shouldn’t be a problem.

So there you have it.  Follow these steps and you’ll be on the road to failure at it’s best.

Maybe you think making F’s is bad.  Looking back, I see there was too much I gained from those F’s for me to consider it a bad experience now.  Although at the time, it seemed horrible.

A’s Vs. F’s

What happened after making straight A’s?

• People were impressed - They tell you they’re proud of you and good job.  This includes employers who see your transcript which can have its advantages if you’re seeking a job or internship.

• Self-esteem boost

What happened after making straight F’s?

• There was no more fear of failure – I made straight F’s, and it wasn’t that bad.  I’m still alive.  Though I thought it was bad at the time, it turns out that the “bad” was just a result of my thinking it was bad.  In high school, I tried to avoid failing because I viewed failing as bad and negative.  That’s just not how life is though.  How did you learn to walk?  Did you go to lectures or classes and take a test on it?  I hope not.  Most likely you jumped right in and failed repeatedly.  People probably even laughed at you and thought it was cute when you failed.  Too bad nobody thought my F’s were cute.

• Gained clarity - Making straight F’s forced me to stop and look at reality.  It forced me to realize that something was wrong and it would continue to be wrong if I didn’t stop and address the problem instead of trying to ignore the problem and work around it.  Financial aid getting cut off and getting exited from the College of Business within the university also helped with this.

• Overcame depression

• Found a field that I’m passionate about – I found the field of personal growth and development.  Before I didn’t even know it existed, but now I can’t get enough of it.  If I wanted to, I could use what I learn in this field to recoup the wasted money I spent on tuition.

• Realized I can’t live to please other people -  Some people became upset with me once I started making  F’s.  It’s like they forgot all about the straight A semester.  I realized their attitude towards me depended on the grades I was making in school, and this was partly why I tried to avoid failure.  I wanted to try to please them.  Life is just a lot more free when you don’t have to try to please anyone anymore.

I don’t think there are too many people that want to fail.  However, the worst thing you can do to yourself is live in fear of failure.  Winners expect failures and learn from them.  They don’t let them get in the way of accomplishing their goals.  Strive for the A, but don’t be afraid of the F.

After finishing my first 16 credit hours at a public four-year university, I was shocked when I looked at my grades and saw I had made A’s in all classes.  This was my first time ever making straight A’s in school as far as I could remember.  Even though I’ve always been an above average student, I’ve never been an excellent student, and I usually would make a combination of A’s and B’s.  It was definitely hard work, but it was well worth it to me.  The best benefit from it was just knowing I had the power and ability to accomplish it.  So how do you get there?

Define What You Want

What do you want this experience to be like?   What would be the ideal college scenario to you?  Do you want a full college experience?  Do you even want straight A’s?  Do you just want to get through college as fast as possible?

Basically those questions force you to be aware of what you want.  If you don’t see exactly where you want to go, how are you going to get there?

Pick Classes Early & Wisely

When you pick your classes early, you have more options.  Also, you’ll probably have a better attitude going in than someone who feels stuck with the left over professors.  Usually the really good teachers fill up very fast, so if you have questions about a professor, you could try to find someone who’s had that professor before and ask them or you could check out Ratemyprofessors.com.

Also make sure the classes are held at a reasonable time for you.  If you’re in high school and planning to go to college, try to become a person who wakes up early.  The advantages that come with being an early riser extend beyond college.  Don’t get stuck in the “I’m just not an early person” thinking.  If you think you’re a person who can’t wake up early, you’ll be a person that can’t wake up early.  You’ll be blocking yourself.  The bottom line is if you’re not a person that wakes up early now and have no intention to try to be a person that wakes up early, don’t take early classes.  This might go back to picking classes as early as possible because you don’t want to be stuck with early classes if you have no intention of waking up early.

Be Prepared

Before you even step foot in class, make sure you’re completely ready for that class.  Make sure you’ve got the books you need and you know where your classes are and how to get to them.   Make sure your housing and transportation to and from the school is satisfactory.  Be prepared for the first day.

Feel Good

This was the most important factor in my success.  Too bad it often goes unsaid.  It’s harder than it seems, because you have to make a conscious effort to feel good at times.  Have you ever noticed that when you feel good, things aren’t a force?  It’s more of a flow.  If you’re going to make straight A’s you can’t afford to not feel good. Exercise often.  Listen to inspirational music.  Pick friends that will lift you up.  Join clubs and organizations that interest you.  Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself in a positive state.  The excitement of a new life being away from my home city and sharing an apartment with my best friend was enough to carry me through the whole semester.

Having a diet that empowers you can have a tremendous impact on your success as well.  I’m now truly beginning to understand the effect our diet has on our emotions, energy level and mental clarity.  Back then my diet consisted of cereals, ramen noodles, sandwiches and pizza.  Looking back, I can see how that diet took its toll on me.  I would be energized in the morning, but completely drained when I got home after classes.

Attend Class

You might expect me to encourage everyone to go to every class all the time, but honestly I would say it’s a judgment call.  Sometimes listening to professor’s whole lectures are just a waste of your time.  If you value your time, you won’t let anyone cause you to waste it.  I’ll give you an example.

One professor I had graded solely on our performance on 3 tests.  Attendance, quizzes, participation, and homework all had no numerical impact on our grade.  The class offered Supplemental Instruction (SI) sessions which were basically outside tutoring for that specific class.  The SI instructor was required to be a student that had made at least a B in the class before, and the SI sessions were held twice weekly for 30 minutes per session.  The class itself was held 3 times a week for 50 minutes a session.  During the SI sessions, the SI instructor’s lesson plan went over exclusively what was likely to be on the upcoming test and some effective strategies to use to study for it.   During the class itself, the professor of the class lectured about what was going to be on the test also.  The problem was that he mixed in a lot meaningless facts and biased opinions in the lectures.  I wanted an A in the class so in this situation it made sense for me to not attend his lectures and just attend the SI sessions.  This is exactly what I did and I ended up with an A in the class.

On the other hand, there were classes where I literally did not deserve A’s according to the numbers.  I’m almost positive that professors saw me attending classes and tutoring sessions and decided to boost the B’s I made to A’s.  No complaints here.

Be aware that in most classes you’re probably going to have to attend classes.  However, also be aware of the best use of your time.

Sit in the Front

Save yourself some trouble and make an effort to sit in the front.

- There won’t be as many distractions and side conversations towards the front of the class.

- If there’s audio problems with a professors mic, you’ll be able to hear him without a mic while people sitting in the back may have trouble.

- What happens when there’s an important worksheet a professor has to pass out and there aren’t enough copies for everyone?  The people sitting in the back may have to make some extra effort to get a copy while you get a copy handed to you.  Why? Because you sat in the front.

Use Resources

You’re paying for the resources that are available.  Why not take full advantage of everything you pay for?  Tutoring, counselors and advisors are all there waiting to be utilized by the students.

Your resources also include your professors.  Get to know them.  Let them know you’re there.  If you need a letter of recommendation, don’t be afraid to ask your professors for help, but understand they’ll probably want to know who you are first.

Don’t Procrastinate

This was absolutely crucial to my success.  I would study in between classes, when I got home, and even during some other boring classes.  Not procrastinating cut down the stress which definitely contributed to my overall positive state during that semester.  It’s definitely easier said than done though.  If it was easy, it wouldn’t be such a big problem in the world.

In high school I was always a procrastinator.  This is why it was so weird to me that somehow during this semster in college, I didn’t procrastinate anymore.  I would say the biggest factor in me not procrastinating was my  excitement and optimism.  I looked at the classes I would have to attend, the books I would have to study and the homework I would have to do all as activities that would help me reach my ultimate goal.

That semester really taught me a lot about myself, and I often go back to it in my mind to figure out why I did the things I did and what made that semester so successful.  So far, its just reinforced the importance of feeling good and focusing on what you want (aka the Law of Attraction).

I’ll never forget when Kevin Garnett screamed “Anything is possible!!!!!” in a post-game interview on June 17, 2008 just after the Boston Celtics won the 2008 World Championship.  I’m sure you’ve heard someone say “anything is possible” or “you can do anything you want to do” many times, but here’s the question.  Do we really believe it?  If we don’t believe it, why not?

The Church

When I was young, my family attended a Baptist church.  During the service, the adults in the family would go to the large area of the church with the pastor and listen to his sermon while we would go off to the kids section.  While we were there, we would usually start off with songs and then get into whatever they had planned for us.  We would color, learn Bible stories, sing songs, memorize and recite verses, etc.

During these lessons, I would wonder what is this all for?  Why are we doing this?  Usually there was some type of competitive game incorporating what we learned that day, so was I learning this stuff so I could outshine the other kids and recite verses the fastest in the class? Was I doing all this memorizing so I could impress the grownups with my whiz kid knowledge about the Bible?  What was the point?  I would ask adults around me these questions and they would respond by telling me that the Bible was a guide on how to live your life and that once I took Jesus in my life and learned his word, he would take me to new heights.  I would half-heartedly give em an “OK” and move on, knowing there was still something that wasn’t right.  Somehow, no matter what anyone said to me, the words and stories of the Bible seemed like just that – words and stories.  I knew where to find them in the Bible, but I couldn’t feel them.  I couldn’t connect those words and stories to me and my life.  I’ve just recently started to understand why.

I remember the most fundamental scriptures that were drilled in our head were “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me”  Philippians 4:13. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” Matthew 7:7.  Psalms 23, The Ten Commandments and of course Romans 10:9.

Throughout the past 3 months, I’ve been reading many books and articles on success, goal setting, spiritual enlightenment, discipline etc..  I find that the more I read, the more options I see to achieve goals I desire.  I’m beginning to understand and believe that anything is possible.  Anything. That belief has definitely come alive since experimenting with the Law of Attraction.  I’m beginning to believe that if I ask, I’ll receive and that if I seek, I’ll find.  Much of what I read about wealth and goal achievement directs me right back to the Bible and other religious books.  I’m starting to feel a connection with these words now.

The Power of Thinking for Yourself

After sharing some of the things I’ve learned with people I know, I now realize what the problem was and why what I was learning didn’t resonate with me before.  The problem was my lack of awareness, and the blind faith in people I cared about and trusted.   Ironically, the people encouraging me to go to church didn’t truly believe the words they wanted me to believe.  If people believe that they “can do all things through Christ”, shouldn’t they be living the life of their dreams? or at least heading in that direction?  Shouldn’t they be doing what they want to do?  Shouldn’t their life be filled with passion?  If they “can do all things” why are they settling for jobs they don’t like and complain about?  When I brought up the big dreams I had like wealth and global impact, I received responses like “unrealistic” and “impossible” or “crazy” from the people that have been a part of churches for decades.  These same people who I had grown to know, love, and care about told me things like “I’ve been in this world a lot longer than you have” and “trust me, what you’re thinking about doing is unrealistic and naive”.  I trusted and believed them before because they were partially correct in the fact that they were older and had been in the world longer than I had, and this is why I valued their opinions and pretty much blocked out the “I can do all things” part.  However, now that I’ve taken in this different input, I have a more accurate view of reality because I have done some thinking for myself.  I also understand that they weren’t trying to be mean or crush my dreams.  Their intention was only to help, and they were only trying to spare me pain, disappointment, and struggle.  Now I understand there is beauty in the pain and struggle.

I wouldn’t believe that anything is possible if I had just accepted what others had told me.  This is why I would encourage you to also think for yourself.  Consult with your reason, logic, accuracy and intuition.  Also take in different input.  There are people, books, seminars and articles just waiting to help you obtain more truth in your life.  When someone gives you advice or tells you that you should or shouldn’t do something, think for yourself.  Ask questions.

Does this make sense?
Does it coincide with what I know to be true?
Is this an accurate view of reality?
Is what I think I know to be true wrong?
Do I have an inaccurate view of reality?
How intelligent is the person that’s telling me this?
Has this person gone where I want to go or accomplished what I want to accomplish?

If you feel their advice is worthy of consideration, then try it out.  See if it works for yourself.  If not try something else.  This is what personal growth is all about.